Maybe you’re too busy, or too tired, or lack creativity for DIY gifts. Maybe your fingers aren’t nimble. Maybe you’re prone to accidents involving spilled paint and glue in places you never wanted glue to go. Or maybe you spent hours making a wreath for your best friends, they loved it and hung it on the door immediately, and the next day your boyfriend knocked it off the door and it inexplicably broke into pieces:
At any rate, Christmas is a little over a week away, and DIY is off the table. You need gifts and you need ’em expedited shipping. You don’t care what it costs. I’m here to help.
For your uncle who only pretends to enjoy football and always falls asleep during the game:
Adult Football-Print Onesie
$41.99 at Macy’s online
I love that adult footie pajamas are a thing now. I think everyone should have them. And this way, you don’t even have to pick a team! Just pledge your allegiance to the sport of football!
For that guy on your company softball team who needs a new walk-up song:
The Rap Year Book by Shea Serrano
$11 at Barnes & Noble and on Amazon
There are at least a hundred reasons why you should buy The Rap Year Book – but here are the first five I could think of:
1) The author, Shea Serrano, formerly of Grantland (RIP), is one of the best Twitter follow you’ll ever make.
2) And he also seems like a really nice, genuine guy.
3) Serrano knows more about rap than anyone you know. And what he doesn’t know, he tirelessly researches. He breaks The Rap Year Book down into one year sections and explains what he deems the “most important” song each year.
4) While Serrano’s rap knowledge is at level: Super Expert, he allows for criticism right there in the book, inviting his friends, colleagues, and other music insiders to refute his selection for the “most important” song each year, at the end of every chapter.
5) Serrano writes The Rap Year Book like he’s talking to a homie, therefore you are absorbing knowledge and also being super entertained.
For the girl who got kicked off your basketball team for failing a drug test:
$12 at Urban Outfitters and urbanoutfitters.com
I actually bought this for one of my good friends and gave it to her last week. I really, really wanted to buy one for myself, but I refrained because my Christmas shopping so far has consisted of 40% shopping for others, 60% shopping for myself. Then we had a little gift exchange earlier this week and another friend gave her THE EXACT SAME GIFT. So, I have this ashtray now because the universe is dope and wants me to be happy.
For your girlfriend who has recently become a gym rat:
Pizza & Squats Duffel
$25 (currently sold out) at gearfromlastnight.com
I like this so much I’ll even forgive the bad font. This is perfect for letting everyone at the gym (and the world) know where your priorities lie. This is my favorite design, but since it’s sold out, you’ll either have to give it as an IOU or get another of the great designs from Gear From Last Night (“Tell me to smile one more time” is one of my favorites).
I also believe this could be a great DIY project….
For the World Champion:
Royals Postseason Tees
currently only $5 (!!!) online at rallyhouse.com
Five dollars. Make every single person in your Kansas City family happy this holiday season. You’re welcome.
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