The college football season ended this week, with the pop kick heard round the world and possible-Illuminati member, Nick Saban’s, fourth national title in seven seasons. We’ve got nearly nine long months ahead of us, filled with little to look forward to besides the three glorious weeks that is March Madness and endless blistering-hot baseball games.
With that in mind, I’ve decided to make a list of things to do until it becomes acceptable to drink at 10 am on Saturday mornings once again:
- Make a Royals Twitter account and be really disparaging.
Word on the street is that before 2014, Royals Twitter was a dark place to be. Rany Jazayerli, a lifelong Royals fan and perhaps the first to coin the term “Royals Twitter”, wrote a piece for Grantland in early October 2015 that began: “There aren’t a lot of benefits to being a Royals fan…” That pretty much sums up the entirety of Royals Twitter pre-2014. Even after the amazing World Series run in ’14, the Twitterverse was still cautious; careful not to get their hopes up, quick to snide remarks about their team. It will be interesting to see if the Twitter tide turns toward the positive after two great baseball seasons. If it does, it might be fun to be the asshole at the party and make shitty comments, just to see the Royals Twitter community’s reactions.
- Start scouting your bracket busters.
College basketball’s wonderfully underrated regular season can keep us warm on weeknights this winter and it’s a great time to start scouting underdog teams in order to dominate your office bracket challenge. Some teams to watch:
Texas – Their conference record shows them to be squarely average (2-2) but Big 12 conference play is always going to be tough. The thing to remember is that Texas has beat four teams ranked above them, including #7 North Carolina. Another reminder: their first-year coach, Shaka Smart, has brought his Havoc offense and is encouraging the Longhorns to play angrier. He also has tournament experience: his 11-seeded VCU team reached the Final Four in 2011.
LSU – While the Tigers haven’t looked heroic so far this season (9-6), they have recently beat Kentucky and Vanderbilt and lost a squeaker against Florida. They also have a superstar in Ben Simmons, tenacity in Craig Victor, and a healthy senior sharpshooter Keith Hornsby. The Tigers are mostly young and a little turnover-prone, but if they can get everyone working together throughout conference play, they might just surprise come tournament time.
Monmouth – I love a fun team like 2013’s Florida Gulf Coast. They played fast and loose with lots of monster dunks and the guys on the team were always smiling. I hope Monmouth (with wins against Notre Dame, USC and Georgetown) can be that team this year, if only because I need some of these bench celebrations to get a national stage.
- Start planning your Super Bowl menu now.
By then you’ll have had a month to try to eat healthy like you said you would and realize it’s better to be fat and happy. Peep my Calorie-fest Pinterest board for inspiration!
- Photoshop MJ crying face on everything.
Why is this so funny???
- Enter a skee-ball league.
It’s sort of like sports.
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