Fantasy football does not pay for NFL players’ salaries. Let’s just get that clear.

That being said, fantasy football is a huge industry each year but let’s be real, it’s a matter of pride. Winning your league of officemates that you despise is more of a sense of accomplishment than winning some $25 prize at the end of the season. I’ve decided that this year I just max out and go completely all out with my teams. I am now officially in FOUR leagues. two are money, one is pride and one is tradition. I will dedicate two hours a week to managing them sporadically and making sure everything is up to date. With the obvious looming start to teh season, here are a few things to remember going into this season:

1) No one gives a shit about your fantasy team

Really, absolutely no one besides you cares. Maybe your mom. Maybe your grandma. I believe they are obligated by law to care about your team and pretend to listen as their eyes glaze over out of sheer boredom. Don’t be “that guy” bragging about how snazzy you are with your team.

2) No one wants to know how you have a certain player on your bench

Imagine you’re out at a bar watching the games…Now imagine you are surrounded by friends. Imagine those friends are just there for wings and to watch the games. Please do not drone on and on about how you should have started Player X but started Player Y instead and now everything is a disaster and you are pouting. Pouting because of a fantasy football team is a new low. I don’t even cry over a REAL loss… let alone over a fake loss. Get it the fuck together, act like you’ve done this before.

3) Cheering for individual players is a lot of fun, but don’t tweet them if they don’t perform well (#cmonman)

It is almost pathetic that I have to write this sentence out and publish it. DO NOT TWEET PLAYERS BITCHING ABOUT YOUR FANTASY FOOTBALL TEAM. JUST DO NOT DO IT. NO ONE CARES! I PROMISE YOU, NO ONE! With that out on the table, complain amongst yourselves. Maybe start a group text or kik chat thing with your FF team members? That might be less obnoxious than bitching all over social media about your FF team. Then again I hate group texts soooooo, on second thought… nah. Just keep your head up and continue on into Week One with confidence and ease.
As far as players to pick up this year, I will do more on a week by week basis once the season has started. We will have picks up tomorrow morning and plenty to talk about at that point. Also, listen to the podcast for FF advice!

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