Looking back at the 2014 Big 12 Football Teams as Rappers list is nostalgic and makes you reflect on a time that was simple. Everyone was mad that a Big 12 team did not get into the CFB Playoff and we were united as a pissed off conference. Now it is 2015, TCU and Baylor still hate each other and yet neither are in a CFB playoff spot. Oklahoma did exactly what they do best with Stoops’ #visormagic and won the Big 12 with style.
Since I love football and love rap, might as well bring this back for the second annual edition of ~*~Big 12 Football Teams as Rappers~*~ for your enjoyment!
Kansas Jayhawks: Tyga
Rack city bitch, rack rack city bitch. Who wants to date a 17 year old and have everyone make fun of them for being incredibly creepy for doing so? The state of football at Kansas might not be creepy, but it is incredibly pathetic and disheartening. While Kansas may be highly accomplished when it comes to basketball, their seasonal nightmare begins each August-November when basketball isn’t on most of the country’s radar and college football is king.
Without Kylie Jenner’s seemingly endless supply of fame and fortune, Tyga would not be living the same life. Much like Tyga, Kansas football relies on another successful program to keep them afloat. While with Mangino, Kansas football was at an all time high and won a BCS bowl game. Shortly after firing Mangino, the football program took a nosedive.Turner Gill and Charlie Weis couldn’t get the job done so hopefully David Beaty can get this thing turned around. Even though recent news appears to have Tyga and Kylie Jenner on the outs, here is to hoping the fuckboi of rappers and the Big 12 turns it all around and stops embarrassing themselves.
Texas Longhorns: Lil Wayne
You know when you are at the top and you have everyone in the world wanting to be a part of whatever you are doing and it is really freaking awesome? Yeah, the Longhorns know all about that. Texas had decades of dominance and seemingly endless recruits that turned into superstars with the development and guidance of Texas Longhorns football. Fast forward to 2015, Texas is almost a caricature of the greatness they once had and seems to be constantly in a state of turmoil under highly criticized coach, Charlie Strong. Lil Wayne was the hottest rapper when he emerged on the mainstream stage and seemed to be everywhere. Even when he wasn’t putting out albums, Lil Wayne appeared everywhere and pumped his release of Tha Carter III up to levels that were mind blowing. From 2008-2009 Weezy was untouchable. The undefeated Texas Longhorns suffered a terrible loss in the 2010 Fiesta Bowl against Alabama and haven’t been right ever since. In 2010, Weezy was incarcerated and although he has broken records of icons like Elvis Presley, he hasn’t been on the same level since. Here’s hoping that Lil Wayne stops beefing on Twitter and turns it all around with his Dedication tour in 2016.
Iowa State: DJ Khaled
What is the key to success? If you as DJ Khaled you would get some weird answers, but if you ask Iowa State? Firing everyone. Starting brand new and clean. Hey! That is one thing they have in common, the key to success is being clean and showering and mouthwash and cocoa butter. Removing Paul Rhoads, Mark Mangino and his son Tommy Mangino seems to be the key to success in Iowa State’s mind. With DJ Khaled recently getting lost at sea on a jetski, I think this is a great metaphor regarding Iowa State’s recent tumultuous state of affairs.
DJ Khaled got lost on his jet ski and now its dark pray for Khaled to find his way back to the path of more success pic.twitter.com/ge8y0TM195
— im sliding over cars while i shoot (@CzarIito) December 14, 2015
Amid all the firings and changes on staff, Iowa State is just a rapper lost on a jet ski in the middle of Miami looking for his mansion and his Lion Order. Except Iowa State’s closest body of water is Ada Hayden Heritage Park Lake and they are the Cyclones, not the Lions. Differences aside, we can all feel sorry for a rap mogul and a Big 12 program lost at sea on a jet ski and hope they continue waking up to eat breakfast. Even though they think that we don’t want them to eat.
DJ Khaled was returned to safety last night so we can laugh about it now, see below for proof:
U see that bamboo pic.twitter.com/Kha5juWLx1
— DJ KHALED (@djkhaled) December 15, 2015
Stay tuned for part two next week!